Tag: surrender

Individuality

“Individuality is the hard outer layer surrounding the inner spiritual life. Individuality shoves others aside, separating and isolating people. . . Individuality counterfeits spirituality, just as lust counterfeits love. . .

The characteristics of individuality are independence and self-will. . . Watch yourself closely when the Spirit of God is at work in you. He pushes you to the limits of your individuality where a choice must be made. The choice is either to say, “I will not surrender,” or to surrender, breaking the hard shell of individuality, which allows the spiritual life to emerge. “ – Chambers

“No matter what wrong the other party has done, if we are disturbed, there is always something wrong with us, especially in the area of attitude. “ White Book Page 117

Often, it is easy for me to shove other people aside because I feel insecure and threatened. I’m learning to change my attitude, but it is taking time. My natural tendency is to defend myself and to fight back when I get disturbed. When I do, resentment gets a foothold and begins to grow.

I hope I can catch myself when I first begin to feel that someone has wronged me. At this moment I have a decision to make. Will I surrender my will and individuality to God or will I garner my strength to attack.

Surrender is not avoidance. Avoiding conflict leads to anger, and pent up anger leads to rage. Surrender is saying to myself, what part do I have in this drama. When I change my behavior to align with God’s will, clarity forms around the issue. I cannot change the way someone feels about me, and I certainly can’t change their behavior. I must leave that in God’s capable hands. Serenity is changing what I can about myself and accepting everything I cannot change. Wisdom is understanding the difference.

Bit by bit.

“The proper perspective of a servant of God must not simply be as near to the highest as he can get, but it must be the highest. Be careful that you vigorously maintain God’s perspective, and remember that it must be done every day, little by little. Don’t think on a finite level. No outside power can touch the proper perspective. . . But Paul said, in essence, ‘I am in the procession of a conqueror, and it doesn’t matter what the difficulties are, for I am always led in triumph.’ Is this idea being worked out practically in us? Paul’s secret joy was that God took him as a blatant rebel against Jesus Christ, and made him a captive— and that became his purpose. “ – Chambers

It is difficult for me to “vigorously maintain God’s perspective” in my addiction. I am so very distracted by myself, my desires, my need to be on the hunt for another dab of pleasuring. In my best moments, I surrender my thinking and my desiring bit by bit as it is playing out in my mind. I surrender it to God and ask for his help to deliver me from a mindset of lust and then immediately report it to a fellow in the program. But I do this very inconsistently because I believe deep down that I can handle it myself.

But Paul through Chambers reminds me that “no outside power can touch the proper perspective . . . I am in the procession of a conqueror, and it doesn’t matter what the difficulties are, for I am always led in triumph.” My new purpose is to stay sober through captivity to Christ, and through real and intimate relationships with my brothers in Christ and in SA.

God, take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life.